Mother of Creativity image: Julia Junkin

Balance…I am continually striving for it, day after day. I am continually reaching for that place where I can feel that my life as a mother and my creative life are totally aligned and working positively with each other.  After nine—almost ten— years of being a mother it is finding the time to be creative that is one of my biggest challenges.

It is a constant push and pull between my needs and the needs of my two children. Being a filmmaker and a mother means there are always a million things that are being juggled. I am a filmmaker because its my calling, I cannot avoid it and still feel whole; and without feeling whole I can become a stressed, mean and impatient mother. I know that for me, making the time to express myself creatively actually makes me a better mother.

This morning I woke up to four-year-old Willa breathing in my face. I open my eyes. She is standing there, quietly waiting with her wild bed head blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Waiting for me to climb out of bed, to start our day. “Lets just go back to sleep” I mumble.  “You know mommy, you’re my best mommy ever,” she says.  Up I get.

I nag, then scramble, then search for all the things nine-year-old Finn needs until he finally runs out the door cramming stuff in his backpack. Just in time for the school bus.

8:30? Agh, lets go Willa! Grab your shoes, let’s get you to preschool. What? You don’t need to wear the pink skirt, it’s in the laundry. The purple polka dot dress you have on looks great with the orange-striped pants and hello kitty socks.

I run my hand through my hair, put on some lipstick. Ok, it’ll have to do.

After three trips schlepping at least that many bags full of camera gear, laptops, yoga clothes, lunch boxes and blankies, to the car,  off we go.

Many days it’s less of a matter of balance and more of an ebb and flow. Some days I feel like it is possible to achieve balance, but then the next day I am holding on for dear life, just hoping that it is going to be enough.

When I slow down and am really present with my children I learn so much. They are imaginative and open minded, observant, and persistent and follow their instincts. This is true for me in my creative process also. If I am moving too quickly I miss the nuances, and my art suffers. I am trying to remember to play more, overlook the mess, imagine more and find the JOY in life around me in both my children and my art.

The reality is that we are teaching each other. Being creative makes me excited and I love sharing that passion for art with my children. And they see me happy and loving my life, which I feel is so important for their development.

In an article by Judith Hanson Lasater titled, “After the Laundry, the Laundry,” she states: In the past, I kept doing the laundry so it would finally be “done.” Of course, it never gets done. Now when I look into the laundry basket, whether it is full or empty, I try to see it as an expression of what life is all about: moving through the different stages, surrendering to impermanence, and remembering to embrace it all.

Because it takes so much effort to get there, when I finally do sit down in my studio, I am so jazzed. I forget to eat lunch and half the time I don’t even want to stop working to go to the bathroom.

I am also thinking, I just love making films! It’s creative, it’s challenging, it’s always changing, it’s full of amazing people, I make new friends and meet new people all the time, I get to research and write and shoot and edit and collaborate, learn and tell stories and go to premieres and weddings and play with new technology and make and spend money, daily.

I am so grateful.

My life is all about finding balance and feeling love, can’t forget the love. I have decided that I like the intertwining of all my roles in this world and hope they will always push me in new directions and force me to grow in ways I could never have imagined.

Now I’ve got to run, get this edit finished, and pick up my son from baseball practice so that I’m not late for yoga class.

Kara Jensen is the owner of Expectations Moving Pictures located in the mountain of Sisters, Oregon. She specializes in documentation and weddings. You can learn more about what is happening in her world by visiting her website Expectations Moving Pictures or follow her on Twitter http://twitter.com/karaj11

Kara’s short documentary on her son, Finn and the $20 bill

You have to watch this clip about a knife throwing mom.